"If you build it, they will come"
A piece of advice from experience for those find themselves wanting better outcomes for loved ones
This post is for those who have improved their health greatly in recent years and only want the best for those that they love the most…
Man, It can feel incredibly frustrating seeing your loved ones continue down the path of self-destruction and deprecation.
You’re constantly sharing Health advice from what worked best for you to your siblings, your parents, and your closest friends who aren’t in the best of health.
You hear their gropes and complaints almost daily. You keep telling them to do “x,y,z” and it’ll help.
Maybe they even take up the advice for a few days and then next week they’re back to their old ways.
Your honest and sincere advice falls on deaf ears… and that shit hurts a bit inside.
If you go back and read my very first substack - Why Health Coaching? you’ll understand that I got into this field by suffering the loss of my grandfather to a preventable disease(s). Looking around and seeing how unhealthy most of the men in my family looked, I knew something needed to change.
For the first handful of years, I would continue to share everything I learned in an effort to help them at the same time I was helping myself.
Even decided to pursue a college education in Nutrition for this exact reason.
During that time, I created a challenge for the men in my family to lose weight. Some stuck with it, but most didn’t.
It was an eye-opening experience into how human behavior is very individualized to reach a certain outcome, especially regarding health.
Because all the information and all the guidance (free or paid) doesn’t do anything until that person is ready to commit to change.
This falls back onto a behavior model called the Transtheoretical Model of Change, commonly referred to as the Stages of Health Behavior Change (more on this next week).
“You can’t help those who don’t want to help themselves.”
So what do you do now?
You continue to lead by example.
You continue to do the things that work best for you.
You start to lead them to a healthy lifestyle through your consistent actions.
You stop offering unsolicited advice at every chance.
You give them the space they need to recognize their shortcomings in the same way you need space to understand your own.
Eventually, maybe a few months later, a year later, or a half a decade later. They’ll see how consistent you have been and how much improved your overall well-being has become and want the same.
Many times this comes after a health scare of their own or someone close to them. And unfortunately, many times facing the prospect of death or permanent disability will be the only way your loved ones wake up.
This is mainly due to the reason of how easily disconnected and distracted we’ve become in modern life. Lulling through the monotonous nature of day-to-day life brings a majority of society.
It’s a bit of a painful realization if I am being honest. It’s not easy or fun to write this.
But it is a harsh reality many of us face, the reality of seeing loved ones continue to hurt.
As I speak experience, you stay the course on your own. You keep showing up with empathy and love for those you care about, and they will come around.
THEY WILL COME AROUND. Forcing it will only continue to hurt both parties involved.
And when they do, meet them where they are at. Basics first and foremost.
Keep it Super Simple.
Change will be had.
With Love,
D
I find myself unwilling to accept that you can not help someone who does not want your help.
Like a kid who still has a glimmer of hope that Santa is real. I know he isn’t but just maybeeee.
This is great advice. Lead by example so that when they are ready, you’re ready.